you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Congratulations! We have a period
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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