i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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