we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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