I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
