my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
