I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
