Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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