Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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