i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
