yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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