guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Randomize
