i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
