Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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