she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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