we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
