i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
