Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
