how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
