there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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