At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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