No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
