So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
