There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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