It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
