I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
