Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
