just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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