I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
