scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is it because I queefed?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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