Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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