We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This toilet bowl is my home.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
