life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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