Sry I called you an 8
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We just shotgunned beers for America
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
