I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
