she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just high enough for therapy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
