I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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