I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
