it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
