Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
