I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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