Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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