My liver just broke up with me...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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