also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
