Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
