Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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