What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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