im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm really busy with my period
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