i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
