So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
