when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
