is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
