and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He passed out mid-signature
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
