When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
