We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
