I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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